Meili-Chan

It's challenging. I've dreamt of living in the same lovely homestay for 4 years but she passed away unexpectedly this year. I've survived the food poisoning but the challenges continue. I would like a great place to live with for another year in Campbelltown.

Meanwhile, let me focus on my exam preparation. I do and don't like to "study the common things". It is very clinical and practical but the uncertainty of the MBBS year 3 curriculum is worry some.

(Ah again, my texts disappeared when I'm copying Bible verse)
Psalm 56:3
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."

This song has been playing continuously in my head lately, by Matthew West - All In

"My feet are frozen on this middle ground
The water's warm here but the fire's gone out
I played it safe for so long the passion left
Turns out safe is just another word for regret

So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
We're all dying to live but we're all scared to death
And this is the part where my head tells my heart
You should turn back around but there's no turning back now

I'm going all in
Headfirst into the deep end
I hear You calling
And this time the fear won't win
I'm going, I'm going all in
(I'm going, I'm going) all in
(I'm going, I'm going)

I believe that one day I will see Your kingdom come
And I wanna hear You say, "Welcome home my child, well done""

10/3 Lee passed away, has she known Christ? :(
It was shocking- cardiac arrest, Mallory Weiss tear, moving to new 🏠

I know it's technically a no or not yet but I still had hope.

God please just put him away. But I've seen a clearer sign now. I know I've asked for it and thanks for giving it to me.

I realised that there's so much that I can't do by myself and God's interference is always best and loving. He is my glory and I will not put down any standard. For He doesn't withhold anything good from those who love Him

"the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Psalm 84:11

09/03/2018

I'm writing these to remember that God knows what He's doing. It's a reminder that after all, I'm citizen of heaven and this painful world is not my home!

- my grandfather 15/11 17.30WIB pneumonia
- my sister in law's miscarriage approx 16/12
- mother in law of my uncle 22/12 heart attack
- church's relative's daughter (she's 26!) 26/12 cancer
- "truth is you know what tomorrow holds" song - then I lost my fav job notetaker the next day 8/1
- cousin of my grandfather 20/1 low BP
- mom's MRI showing brain tumour? 20/1
- my uncle 7/2 stroke

I've wanted to post something cheerful on my FB. But each time Christmas, new year wasn't a very happy one.. well...

I'm glad now I have recovered from my dry retching (3 weeks), but significantly lower appetite. I think that not due to psychological!! (Since I'm still sad)

I thought saying "I'm at the bottom and it can't get worse, it will only go up from here" was an encouragement. But not really! I can still go down and I dislike comforting lie. My real comfort is through Jesus in Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away"

"This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”"

This is so overwhelming. I did not expect that my favourite verse actually comes from such a desperate place (exile); but therefore we know that God actually fulfill his promise despite the shadow of death and suffering. 

2016
I remembered how stressed I was for the visa but it was a miracle how come everything falls into place?

2017
Mum's kidney!

2018
I got that strange dream that reminded me to study and improve my mark!
Went to church at Senayan City and somehow that song from Lauren Daigle got attached to me
"Truth is You know what tomorrow brings. There's no a day ahead you have not seen."
And that exact Monday I lost my job.
😁 Like a literal tomorrow.
And I'm sorry I haven't paid my tithe
But now I learnt better when all of my pride are stripped away one by one and need to depend on God like how I should be.

I remembered in 2017, I cried a lot, but God is still faithful with me through this all.

Jan: cried because I thought my mother will need that machine for her kidney - dialysis!! Struggled to find doctor and even bore the shame trying to contacting the dean with no reply. But hey my mum is actually fine and still far away from dialysis ❤

NZ trip!!! Fantastic time😘

Feb: I asked for a potential husband's sign on my special 22 birthday. Yet I saw my landlady needed blood transfusion and I cried and the nurse and landlady got worried instead 😂; and my aunt's recovery from hip replacement.
June: failed my dreaded anatomy! Cried but such an amazing support system, unbelievable. Thank you for helping me, friends! ☺

Wowoeoeo June-July touring 3 continents, 4 countries Turkey, Egypt, Israel, Jordan

Oct: got flu! Like real flu that takes a month. Cried but learn better empathy. Reminder: flu vaccine
Nov: my grandfather passed away in 10 days from unconsciousness, I cried but my mom acted strong. And what a speech!
Dec: mak Happy passed away and Pak Rudy's daughter (26yo) passed away. Cried Why?-> to what end?
I passed 2nd year!! Praise the Lord👌✝